On Choosing to Build Bridges

Courageous connection in a time of violence

Two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was murdered while sharing his perspective and engaging with his supporters and critics at Utah Valley University. You can support Charlie Kirk and his politics or you can believe his ideology—and perhaps even he—was inhumane, but that doesn’t matter one bit right now. There is no excuse for violence; there is nothing to celebrate or laugh about. There is no way around that.

I opened my phone that afternoon to a post that read, “We interrupt this coverage of a shooting at a Utah college to bring you news of a shooting at a Colorado high school.”

My heart sank. Why? Because violence is bad. Full stop.

I have never known a world not enmeshed with it. I was months old when the deadliest terror attack in the world was carried out on US soil, eleven when the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary took the lives of twenty children and six teachers, and nineteen when the January 6th attack occurred. I can’t even provide you with the list of violence that has occurred in the last five years, never mind my lifetime. In less than eighteen months, our country has experienced at least seven politically-motivated incidents of violence, taking the lives of at least three.

None of these things are okay, and they never will be. There is nothing—nothing—that makes violence acceptable. Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous Letter from a Birmingham Jail read “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly.” To echo the spirit of his remarks, let me remind you that violence against anyone is a threat to everyone.

It was wrong when it was Charlie Kirk.

It was wrong when it was Melissa and Mark Hortman.

It was wrong when it was Donald Trump.

It was wrong when it was Josh Shapiro.

It is wrong when it is political, racial, religious, interpersonal. It is entirely wrong everyday, in every place, regardless of who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. There is no such thing as an act of violence that is not condemnable.

That’s Controversial?

On the evening of September 10, I found myself amidst individuals in three somewhat distinct bubbles.

I ran the monthly Braver Angels Chair Forum for volunteers in our community. Adjusting the reality of the moment, I invited folks to share what was on their minds. In that bubble, I heard despair over the state of our nation and condemnation of political violence from folks of all ideologies and partisan persuasions.

When the session concluded, I picked up my phone and found myself on social media among both conservative and liberal friends. There, I saw prayers for Charlie Kirk’s family. I saw condemnation of political violence. And, I saw a lot of “play stupid games win stupid prizes” and “you reap what you sow.”

I don’t use social media often, but demoralized and of the belief that there is no scenario in which this kind of rhetoric is the appropriate response to life lost, I decided to (re)share three simple messages. The first two were screenshots from the public statement Braver Angels’ had made; they acknowledged the devastating nature of the day and called on each of us to “stop this dangerous cycle of mutual destruction.” The third was a post from March For Our Lives. I reshared the original post, highlighting the caption: “When shootings are competing for coverage, it tells you everything you need to know about the gun violence epidemic in America.” On the same screen, I added my own brief thoughts: “I believe there is a gun violence epidemic in our country and that action is imperative. I also believe nobody deserves to be killed for their beliefs. In a democratic society, those perspectives cannot be mutually exclusive.”

I immediately noticed that I was being unfollowed. Are we living in a time and place where a plea that we not kill, or otherwise accept or celebrate the murder of, people we disagree with is controversial? It can’t be so.

The Opportunity

Over the last two decades, negative views of the opposing party have become increasingly widespread. According to research conducted by Pew Research Center, in 1994, fewer than a quarter of Republicans and fewer than a fifth of Democrats had a very unfavorable view of the other party. In 2022, these numbers had jumped: 62% of Republicans and 54% of Democrats held very unfavorable views of the other party. This trend existed not only among committed partisans, but also among those who lean somewhat in the direction of each party.

Our country is deeply divided. Our surging partisan animosity damages our nation and prevents us from promoting the common good. At Braver Angels, we know it doesn’t have to be this way. The driving force of all we do—in our 124 politically diverse Alliances across the nation and beyond—is the vision of an America with respectful embrace of political disagreements, where civic friendship flourishes and competing perspectives strengthen our nation. Each day, we do our part to foster ideological diversity and understanding across difference. In the Braver Angels Way, we speak freely and fully, without fear. We treat others with honesty, dignity and respect. We welcome opportunities to engage those with whom we disagree.

To that end, I want to be very clear. There are people in this country right now who vehemently disagreed with Charlie Kirk and who are mourning his death. I am one of them.

A life was lost that day and I mourn for Kirk’s family and for all the individuals present at Utah Valley University who witnessed a horrific act of violence. But Kirk’s assassination was also symbolic—a manifestation of proliferating toxicity in our politics.

The good news is that we have a choice.

Over the last week, I have heard Braver Angels CEO Maury Giles share this sentence—“We have a choice”—multiple times and I couldn’t agree more. We have a choice about what we do now. Do we engage with one another, freely and fully across difference? Do we embody and model courageous citizenship for our fellow Americans?

Do we, as BridgeUSA CEO Manu Meel put it referencing what he aptly called the “outrage-industrial complex,” lean in and “outrageously bridge-build”? Do we lean into conflict and embrace healthy disagreement in pursuit of new ideas and potential solutions?

Can we, as Braver Angels Advisor Mónica Guzmán, author of I Never Thought of It That Way, challenged us in a recent social media video, have conversations that move all of us forward?

Accepting the Challenge

Allow me to share that Martin Luther King Jr. quote once more:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly.

Simply put: We are all in this together, for better or worse.

We have one nation, one community, a single shared humanity. The only way we will improve life in this nation is together. There is a reason that kindergarteners are near-universally told that the “golden rule” is to treat others the way they want to be treated. If I lose, so do you. And if I win, guess what? You have also won.

Silencing voices we disagree with, or celebrating that act, is never positive or funny. And it is a slippery slope, too.

I firmly believe there is a gun violence epidemic in our country and I invite you to disagree with me, especially when it comes to how we prevent gun violence in our nation. Why? Well, I don’t think I have all the answers and I don’t think you do either. I do know that none of us want to live in a country where lives are lost unnecessarily and that the only way we will ever make that a reality is by working together.

In the days to come, I plan to lean in. To converse with individuals I disagree with. To accept the challenge that is courageous citizenship. And to do my very best to take steps that will move all of us forward. I hope you will join me.